:::::::::::cringe::::::::::::
I am completely mortified.
I had a person in my life I thought was one of my dearest friends. When talking about my best friends, I always talked about her. I have a bunch of people praying for her right now. I don't give my heart away easily, because it ALWAYS kicks my butt in the end. And this is why.
Apparently, I am not one of her good friends. I'm completely mortified, because I have always shared deep, dark things with her, things I don't share with ANYBODY. For crying out loud, until she moved last year, I was going to ask her to raise my children should something happen to me and Darren! I am STOOPID STOOPID STOOPID for thinking she was that good of a friend. I'm now afraid that all I shared with her will come back to haunt me. I am scared to death about that, and want to close myself up. grrrrr
But the worst thing is that I embarrassed her. I mentioned in a public forum, how much her friendship means to me. And she let me know I was out of line. I found out on a special night for me, and it set back in the back of my head the whole night, to the point that I got pretty sick several times that night. I am disgusted in myself. Why do I always do these things? When will I ever learn that there just simply isn't such thing as real friendship It is best to wrap yourself in a little cocoon and hide yourself from the world. Because this is awful.
I'm not good at making friends. I'm one of those people that other just kind of naturally don't like, but I want friends, so I think I try too hard. I don't share things with people, because they freak out when they find out how awful and warped I am. But I do listen to everything they say, I do pray for them. People are surprised at how much I know about them, and how to pray or care for them, because I listen, and I take note when something is affecting them.
Every time this happens, I vow to myself not to become friends with anybody anymore. But I always weaken. I hear about how other women go out and hang out with their friends, and as much as I long for that, I try to accept that is not what God has in mind for me. And I deal. Because what else can I do?
UGH!
I had a person in my life I thought was one of my dearest friends. When talking about my best friends, I always talked about her. I have a bunch of people praying for her right now. I don't give my heart away easily, because it ALWAYS kicks my butt in the end. And this is why.
Apparently, I am not one of her good friends. I'm completely mortified, because I have always shared deep, dark things with her, things I don't share with ANYBODY. For crying out loud, until she moved last year, I was going to ask her to raise my children should something happen to me and Darren! I am STOOPID STOOPID STOOPID for thinking she was that good of a friend. I'm now afraid that all I shared with her will come back to haunt me. I am scared to death about that, and want to close myself up. grrrrr
But the worst thing is that I embarrassed her. I mentioned in a public forum, how much her friendship means to me. And she let me know I was out of line. I found out on a special night for me, and it set back in the back of my head the whole night, to the point that I got pretty sick several times that night. I am disgusted in myself. Why do I always do these things? When will I ever learn that there just simply isn't such thing as real friendship It is best to wrap yourself in a little cocoon and hide yourself from the world. Because this is awful.
I'm not good at making friends. I'm one of those people that other just kind of naturally don't like, but I want friends, so I think I try too hard. I don't share things with people, because they freak out when they find out how awful and warped I am. But I do listen to everything they say, I do pray for them. People are surprised at how much I know about them, and how to pray or care for them, because I listen, and I take note when something is affecting them.
Every time this happens, I vow to myself not to become friends with anybody anymore. But I always weaken. I hear about how other women go out and hang out with their friends, and as much as I long for that, I try to accept that is not what God has in mind for me. And I deal. Because what else can I do?
UGH!
Sweetie, please dont throw away all of the apples, cuz of one rotten or disappointing one, k?
I understand your hurt and disappointment, but let it be for that one person for whom the hurt is with, dont throw us all in the basket with whoever it is, it isnt fair to us who really love you and truly are your friend...when you lump us all together, rather than just dealing with the ONE person who caused the pain, it makes us feel like we may be or are being thrown away, in the same way you dont like to be thrown away...kwim??
ILU and I am your friend, and I believe you are mine.
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Val, I've been watching your comments lately here and on that so called "public forum" (which isn't really public is it), and I'm concerned about you.
I see you beginning another downward spiral, and I hurt for you in that. Those of us who are here for you will continue to be, but if you continue in these thoughts, if you continue to allow yourself to believe this stuff that the enemy plants in your head (I know this stuff because I battle that kind of stuff at times too), none of us will be able to do a thing to help you.
Recognise that the facts of a situation as you see them are not the same as the TRUTH that god sees about that situation.
I do know this stuff from experience. Things happen in my IRL relationships and I perceive them one way, and I react, and that causes hurt and pain, sometimes for others, but mainly for me, and eventually, over time, I come to see that the biggest part of the problem was MY perception, that I sometimes walk around EXPECTING the bad stuff to happen, so that when something along the middle line happens, something that wasn't meant badly but could be taken badly, I grab at it because that is what I was expecting.
And that is NOT God's truth for me or about me. HIS TRUTH about you is far different too. Walking into that truth isn't always easy, but it is worth it!
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Valerie, ouch that hurts! I am so sorry that happened to you. Shame on that person who most definitely has got issues herself if she felt you were out of line in complimenting her. She does not deserve you and you are a good person. I think you are hard on yourself. You are who you are. Be proud of that and glad you don't act like that woman! You are hurt and that is hard. But you might want to keep in mind that not everyone is comfortable with such openness about feelings in a relationship. This doesn't mean you need to change. But it may be what happened for her that caused her to respond in that way. But, no matter. It is good to know she is not who you thought she was.
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honey, I'm catching up a little on blogs (this last week has been nuts for me as you know), and I'm just now seeing this.
That woman is a complete fool if she does not want to be your friend. And honestly, she is probably not worth it. If that is how she is going to treat someone as sweet and kind as you, then she is not worth your efforts.
You are NOT warped or awful. STOP beating yourself up like that. Every single person in this world has some type of thing or 'issue' in their lives that they think makes them so incredibly horrible. For most people, that thing or issue is just something that happens, something that is a hurdle in their lives. It does not make them horrible.
I read Zoe's comment above, and I agree with her completely. This is just another attack, and you will have to battle through it.
hang in there sweetheart. So many people DO love you. I wish I could be there for you in person, take you out for coffee and some shopping!!!! ILU, girlie!
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