What happened to That Girl?
I haven't had an easy life. Oh, mine's never going to win a "worse ever" contest, but I have had my share of uphill battles. Somehow, through it all, I was a very happy child. I saw life through rose colored glasses. I believed the best in everyone.
My much beloved great aunt Eileen always said, "You are amazing. I don't know how you've kept your equilibrium with all you've been through."
I don't think I have that anymore. Where once I was a happy go lucky girl, now I'm scared and suspicious. Where once I accepted love and gladly doled it out, now I'm afraid of being hurt. I used to take chances, now I'm afraid to drive across town to Wal Mart.
I do these things, because I owe it to my children. But I don't really feel anything but fear anymore. Fear of saying, or doing, or being, the wrong thing. It paralyzes me. Some days, I have to fight my way out of my bedroom.
What happened to that girl? I want to reclaim her again? I just can't stand the thought of being shot down again, stomped on, scared.
I want my mom.
My much beloved great aunt Eileen always said, "You are amazing. I don't know how you've kept your equilibrium with all you've been through."
I don't think I have that anymore. Where once I was a happy go lucky girl, now I'm scared and suspicious. Where once I accepted love and gladly doled it out, now I'm afraid of being hurt. I used to take chances, now I'm afraid to drive across town to Wal Mart.
I do these things, because I owe it to my children. But I don't really feel anything but fear anymore. Fear of saying, or doing, or being, the wrong thing. It paralyzes me. Some days, I have to fight my way out of my bedroom.
What happened to that girl? I want to reclaim her again? I just can't stand the thought of being shot down again, stomped on, scared.
I want my mom.
{{Val}} It IS hard to take your life back. One thing I've noticed is that you will never be exactly the person you used to be...you will be a different version of that person. Maybe that is something you can try to focus on, because if you keep trying to be just like you once were, it's not going to happen.
(that's my attempt at sounding wise. Did it work?)
LOL
I love you, hon.
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Praying for you, dear...
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Sometimes we really miss the person that we were.
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