I'm going through a rough spot in my marriage right now. The lines of communication are pretty narrow right now. A lot of that is because I'm battling some negative feelings over my seeming inability to get the job of my dreams. I'm trying to fill a void in my life, where I don't feel like I'm worth much to anybody.

BUT, I'm breaking through that negativity (thanks for the positive words, the prayers, and the love sent my way). Deep inside, I've always wanted to be a SAHM, but I always thought that would happen when my children were younger, not now, when they are all in school and I have empty hours during the day in which I literally sit on my couch and do nothing.  I'm filling the void with writing. I've always fancied myself a writer, but since I didn't make the high school journalism team, I gave up on that. I'm rediscovering that passion, though, and have had a number of opportunities to whet my writing quill. It's been fun reawakening that silent part of my soul.

But I'm scared. When we had children, it was agreed that any money I earn would go toward the extras, and for college. So now that I'm not bringing in much money, what do I do? I've readjusted finances to death. It's close, but we're making expenses each month. I'm going through a nail biting moment right now, because insurance on the van is due. Somehow, it will get paid, though, right?

We've been doing the "Five Love Languages" book. Well, *I* have been doing it. Hubby started doing it, but he's so exhausted when he comes home that all he wants to do is crash on the couch. We took a quiz and found that his love language is acts of service, and mine are receiving gifts and words of affirmation. I think mine are pretty easy, don't you? I'm struggling with his, but I am giving it a valiant effort, and on those times when I'm not positive in my task work, I stop, and I pray that my heart will soften, and my hands will work to make my husband feel loved.  I do not have a well developed domestic gene. I struggle with budgeting, meal planning, cleaning. This is not what I saw my life as producing. But if it blesses my family, I will do it. And I pray I will someday lovingly and willingly accept it, and without thinking, automatically do it with grace and love.