I hate cancer.  I mean, I seriously and completely hate cancer. I'm like so many out there who have been cut to the core by what this horrific disease is.

I miss Mama. It's been nearly 10 years. TEN YEARS that I've been cheated out of life with Mom. She hasn't seen her grandchildren grow. She never met Mikey, who was born on her birthday. We honor her daily. We always talk about her. My nephew wears her initials on his uniform during football season.  I will never, ever get over losing  her. She was TOO YOUNG and TOO GOOD to go through so much pain. I'm so sorry, Mommy. Oh dear God, I miss you, Mama.  It's Christmas. Your favorite time of the year. I try, but I can't celebrate with the joy you always had for this holiday.  My children are so cheated. Emily, particularly, cries for you still. She feels cheated. She doesn't have grandparents who are involved. She is so cheated out of that special, wonderful relationship, with that special, wonderful Grandma that you were.

Yesterday was Nattie's birthday. She and I always celebrated our December birthdays, joking about birthdays so close to the holidays. Nattie, I miss you!  You inspired me so much!  You were a light in so many eyes, did you know that? Did you ever realize what an impact you made? Do you know how much so many of us loved you? I thank God for the short time you were in my life. And I miss you. I miss you.

Angie, Praising God you are still with us. I have prayed for you for years, since just before I moved back home, when Lisa told me you were sick. I never never knew how much you still wanted me in your life. I cherish the Facebook email you sent me a few weeks ago. I planned on emailing to see if we could talk. I pray that you will come out of that bed, and that I will have the chance to talk to you. I'm so sorry I haven't been there before.  I thank God for the inspiration you are to so many people. Hang in there, my sister!

So many others, some who have beaten, some who haven't. Grandma Collins, Grandpa Harold, Bryan, Nona, Grandad Roy SO MANY PEOPLE. I hate this disease.