What good does it do?

Who cares if I've worked so hard this year to NOT allow anger and hurt to rule my life? Does it matter that I have become truly happy for the first time ever? Yes, for so long, I forced myself to be happy. But now, it's here. But who cares?

It all started because I went upstairs to the kids' rooms, and they were all out of control. So I nicely asked them to clean their rooms. Emily and Matt were fine. Mikey was FURIOUS. He said, "I have too much stuff to clean up!"  So I told him to make a pile of what he wanted to get rid of and we'd go from there. I told him I'd check on him in 20 minutes, and if there was improvement, I'd help him with the rest.

Twenty minutes later, NOTHING. So I said, "Okay, I'm going to throw away all toys in the middle of the floor." We do this. And he has the opportunity, while I'm going through the pile, to put things away that he really wants to keep. I start out throwing away the junk, and we move from there.  But this time, Darren went OFF on me.  Yelling telling me I'm unreasonable, telling me I'm being mean.  So I was FURIOUS right back at him, and yelled at him, "Mikey has too much JUNK!  I am disgusted by this excess!  Do you know the children I played with in Mexico had NOTHING untill Becca gave them an $.88 ball? Do you know how THRILLED they were?  There is way to much here!"  I was in tears, and really upset. And for the first time in months, I was angry.

So Darren turns to me and says, "We can never do anything right for you. You've been unhappy for months. There is nothing we can do to make you happy."

And that's when I left.

I don't ever want to feel anything. I don't ever want to make goals. Because, no matter how hard I work for this family, no matter how hard I work to overcome my obstacles, it doesn't matter.      

Posted by Valerie at 11/24/2007 7:41 PM
Categories: Family

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