I am a housewife
**This is a post I originally wrote in October, when I realized my business was no more. I never published it until now.**
I am a housewife.
Talk about a midlife crisis! I never expected that I would be in this position today. I thought I was an entrepreneur. I thought if I poured my life and my savings into this business, that I would reap benefits until I was able to retire. I was living the American Dream! I was doing it right! And the best thing, I was doing it from home.
And it has been a good thing. My business, that is. I have seen things I didn't imagine seeing. I have owned a school! I have taught people to do what I do! I have coached! I have dealt with famous people! I have made friends across the world! I was a featured speaker at a major international conference! I came up with industry innovations! I was somebody special! People wrote about me in articles! I was an invited speaker on radio shows! I had Search Engine Ranking!
But that was then.
Today, I start a new life. I'm a domestic engineer. I am a housewife. I am somebody even more special than I was last week. Why? Because I am me. Everything I am, is determined because I am this person God created. He doesn't make junk, so he must have something important in mind for me. Now, his idea of important is usually something different than my idea of important. I just hope and pray I'm strong enough to handle whatever he's ready to bring my way. Because I know the benefits will outweigh the obstacles in the end. I just hope I'm strong enough to handle this. I'm human. I have my doubts. I'm scared out of my seat.
See, my whole life has been about WHO I can be. I was the "smart one." I am the one with the college degree from the prestigious college (paid for, in part, by scholarship, because I am all that). I married right. I belong to the right clubs. I make the right decisions. I'm "Super-me." Just ask Mom. She was a Super Me, too, but, oh yeah, she isn't here anymore. She basically worked herself to death.
Now, I'm being challenged to take a step back. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a dark cliff? I'm scared to death. I have to redefine the whole of who I am. I have to learn things they don't teach at Big Deal U. I have to learn real life applications. And those are always the scariest ones to learn. I have nobody to teach me these things that most girls learn when they're young. Mama's gone. I'm on my own. I have no role models. I honestly don't personally know one person who doesn't work. I have nobody to bounce ideas off of. I have no role models. I am scared, because I don't walk the walk, and I don't talk the talk. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have demons. I had to work when I was young, because I was the stepchild. I had to work when we were newlyweds, because my husband left me because I wasn't bringing in money. Mom made it very clear that if we didn't work, we put the power in our husband's hands, and we have no way to escape should the need arise. I am not sure I can take this.
BUT I WANT TO, regardless of the struggles.
I read stories about Moms and Wives who are at home. I think it's sad that it's so unusual, that there are news stories about this phenomenon. I don't know how to do what they do. My children are in school now. Isn't this the time when I need to make more out of my days? How do I do that?
It ain't gonna be pretty, people. Are you ready for this ride?
I am a housewife.
Talk about a midlife crisis! I never expected that I would be in this position today. I thought I was an entrepreneur. I thought if I poured my life and my savings into this business, that I would reap benefits until I was able to retire. I was living the American Dream! I was doing it right! And the best thing, I was doing it from home.
And it has been a good thing. My business, that is. I have seen things I didn't imagine seeing. I have owned a school! I have taught people to do what I do! I have coached! I have dealt with famous people! I have made friends across the world! I was a featured speaker at a major international conference! I came up with industry innovations! I was somebody special! People wrote about me in articles! I was an invited speaker on radio shows! I had Search Engine Ranking!
But that was then.
Today, I start a new life. I'm a domestic engineer. I am a housewife. I am somebody even more special than I was last week. Why? Because I am me. Everything I am, is determined because I am this person God created. He doesn't make junk, so he must have something important in mind for me. Now, his idea of important is usually something different than my idea of important. I just hope and pray I'm strong enough to handle whatever he's ready to bring my way. Because I know the benefits will outweigh the obstacles in the end. I just hope I'm strong enough to handle this. I'm human. I have my doubts. I'm scared out of my seat.
See, my whole life has been about WHO I can be. I was the "smart one." I am the one with the college degree from the prestigious college (paid for, in part, by scholarship, because I am all that). I married right. I belong to the right clubs. I make the right decisions. I'm "Super-me." Just ask Mom. She was a Super Me, too, but, oh yeah, she isn't here anymore. She basically worked herself to death.
Now, I'm being challenged to take a step back. Why do I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a dark cliff? I'm scared to death. I have to redefine the whole of who I am. I have to learn things they don't teach at Big Deal U. I have to learn real life applications. And those are always the scariest ones to learn. I have nobody to teach me these things that most girls learn when they're young. Mama's gone. I'm on my own. I have no role models. I honestly don't personally know one person who doesn't work. I have nobody to bounce ideas off of. I have no role models. I am scared, because I don't walk the walk, and I don't talk the talk. I have no idea what I'm doing. I have demons. I had to work when I was young, because I was the stepchild. I had to work when we were newlyweds, because my husband left me because I wasn't bringing in money. Mom made it very clear that if we didn't work, we put the power in our husband's hands, and we have no way to escape should the need arise. I am not sure I can take this.
BUT I WANT TO, regardless of the struggles.
I read stories about Moms and Wives who are at home. I think it's sad that it's so unusual, that there are news stories about this phenomenon. I don't know how to do what they do. My children are in school now. Isn't this the time when I need to make more out of my days? How do I do that?
It ain't gonna be pretty, people. Are you ready for this ride?
Trackbacks
-
1/24/2008 6:36 PM
Tea time with Valerie wrote:
In light of recent false accusations made against me, I decided to resurrect a post I made, but didn't publish, in October.http://valkgal.com/2007/10/14/i-am-a-housewife.aspxI am a housewife Posted by Valerie at 10/14/2007 3:38 PM and is filed under Family **This is a post I originally wrote in October, when I realized my business was no more. I never published it until now.**I am a housewife.Talk about a midlife crisis! I never expected that I would be in this position today. I thought I was an entrepreneur. I thought if I poured my life and my ... -
1/24/2008 6:36 PM
Tea time with Valerie wrote:
In light of recent false accusations made against me, I decided to resurrect a post I made, but didn't publish, in October.http://valkgal.com/2007/10/14/i-am-a-housewife.aspxI am a housewife Posted by Valerie at 10/14/2007 3:38 PM and is filed under Family **This is a post I originally wrote in October, when I realized my business was no more. I never published it until now.**I am a housewife.Talk about a midlife crisis! I never expected that I would be in this position today. I thought I was an entrepreneur. I thought if I poured my life and my ... -
1/24/2008 6:39 PM
Tea time with Valerie wrote:
I decided to resurrect a post I made in October.http://valkgal.com/2007/10/14/i-am-a-housewife.aspxI am a housewife Posted by Valerie at 10/14/2007 3:38 PM and is filed under Family **This is a post I originally wrote in October, when I realized my business was no more. I never published it until now.**I am a housewife.Talk about a midlife crisis! I never expected that I would be in this position today. I thought I was an entrepreneur. I thought if I poured my life and my savings into this business, that I would reap benefits until I was ... -
1/24/2008 6:39 PM
Tea time with Valerie wrote:
I decided to resurrect a post I made in October.http://valkgal.com/2007/10/14/i-am-a-housewife.aspxI am a housewife Posted by Valerie at 10/14/2007 3:38 PM and is filed under Family **This is a post I originally wrote in October, when I realized my business was no more. I never published it until now.**I am a housewife.Talk about a midlife crisis! I never expected that I would be in this position today. I thought I was an entrepreneur. I thought if I poured my life and my savings into this business, that I would reap benefits until I was ...
...there are MANY stay at home women that you know, many who have done it and are doing it. We are a vast source of information, and proof that you are not alone...and I think many of us are pretty good role models.
I was a SAHM and a single working mother and now an empty nester, but I still get it...been there, done that. I have lots of info, if you want it...and I imagine that many other women that you DO know at WAH who are SAHM's would feel the same.
You arent venturing into anything that others havent done before. If you put the same energy in the home that you did in the world and into believing that you can succeed at doing what you feel God is calling you to do, stay home & be a homemaker, then you will succeed. BUT if you dont believe it, you will automatically set yourself up for failure...not God's choice, not your family's choice, nor a choice any of your friends would make for you.
Scripture tells us of these things when it says, "so as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he" Proverbs 23:7a and "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1
...every single one of us has a choice as to which kind of woman we will be in our home. Not ONE of us is perfect, so this is NOT about perfection, but it is about progression and it is about obedience. If you know that you are being called to stay home & be a homemaker, then do it "as unto the Lord" with all the wit and wisdom and smarts you worked the outside world with. Show your daughter (and yourself) that your worth (and hers) is bottom line in having a living breathing relationship with the Living God of the Universe...no matter what it may *seem* to cost to follow Him...cuz you will come to find and to know that obedience in itself truly does have its own reward.
Something to think about...submitting and obeying in this season of your life has the power to break generational belief systems that have hurt you and keep them from being passed on - as it was passed on to you...and lay down an example that it doesnt matter what one does, but it does matter whom one is and what their heart is while they are doing it.
"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
I love you, my friend. And I am here.
Reply to this