I wish I weren't such a wimp
I am a wimp.
I don't say that proudly. In fact, I'm cowering in my brain as I speak this.
I am ashamed of my wimpiness. But I always have excuses for why I am.
Right now, I'm struggling with a small group decision in church. We're re-forming small groups. My typical Friday night group, which was VERY HANDILY next door and on a Friday night when Darren was guaranteed to be in town, no longer exists. At the end of August, the church sent out an email requesting 3 days that would work for all of us. We put down Friday (because it's the best, really ONLY, time it would work), Wednesday (because we don't have Emily's group, but if Darren travels, it's bad) or Sunday )because, well, we had to put down a third choice.)
Three people signed up for Friday, but none decided to lead the group. So we had to be reassigned. All of this was happening behind our backs, and in the meantime, Darren had to make work schedules. As it turns out, Wednesday will not work, because he is traveling the next 6 Wednesdays. Sunday will not work because it was a bad day to begin with.
They assigned us to Wednesday. So, not only can Darren now show, but even if I do go, the kids will be left to fend for themselves without adult supervision, trying to bathe, get homework finished, and eat dinner. Without parental supervision. NOT a good thing. Especially because much of both boys' homework needs parental supervision this year. And, it's in Kansas City. Anybody who knows me knows that I am freaked out at driving at night, but even if I could see, I don't drive in the city unless I absolutely have to. I'm scared of getting lost, and killed.
Then, to top it off, I have no idea who the leaders are. And that scares me because the last time I was in small groups, there was somebody who made fun of me because I don't know the Bible. I try very hard to protect myself from that. Now it's out there again. I just have to learn to SHUT MY MOUTH. In the Friday group, everyone knew to be sensitive about it; they were all there when I was laughed at, and they knew how it hurt me. I don't have that cover anymore.
So I'm crying. And upset. And nearly in a state of panic here. I'm going to be left out again, because I suck. And Darren't mad at me.
I don't say that proudly. In fact, I'm cowering in my brain as I speak this.
I am ashamed of my wimpiness. But I always have excuses for why I am.
Right now, I'm struggling with a small group decision in church. We're re-forming small groups. My typical Friday night group, which was VERY HANDILY next door and on a Friday night when Darren was guaranteed to be in town, no longer exists. At the end of August, the church sent out an email requesting 3 days that would work for all of us. We put down Friday (because it's the best, really ONLY, time it would work), Wednesday (because we don't have Emily's group, but if Darren travels, it's bad) or Sunday )because, well, we had to put down a third choice.)
Three people signed up for Friday, but none decided to lead the group. So we had to be reassigned. All of this was happening behind our backs, and in the meantime, Darren had to make work schedules. As it turns out, Wednesday will not work, because he is traveling the next 6 Wednesdays. Sunday will not work because it was a bad day to begin with.
They assigned us to Wednesday. So, not only can Darren now show, but even if I do go, the kids will be left to fend for themselves without adult supervision, trying to bathe, get homework finished, and eat dinner. Without parental supervision. NOT a good thing. Especially because much of both boys' homework needs parental supervision this year. And, it's in Kansas City. Anybody who knows me knows that I am freaked out at driving at night, but even if I could see, I don't drive in the city unless I absolutely have to. I'm scared of getting lost, and killed.
Then, to top it off, I have no idea who the leaders are. And that scares me because the last time I was in small groups, there was somebody who made fun of me because I don't know the Bible. I try very hard to protect myself from that. Now it's out there again. I just have to learn to SHUT MY MOUTH. In the Friday group, everyone knew to be sensitive about it; they were all there when I was laughed at, and they knew how it hurt me. I don't have that cover anymore.
So I'm crying. And upset. And nearly in a state of panic here. I'm going to be left out again, because I suck. And Darren't mad at me.
I am so sorry! I wish you guys could find something that would work for you both.
I don't understand why someone needed to make a comment about your knowledge of the Bible, I would think that small groups are for nurturing and learning and that would be WHY PEOPLE GO!! Ugh people!
Anyway, please don't feel bad about your Bible knowledge, at times I feel way behind. I blame it on having the kids...lol. Love you!
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