There are many out there who know this, but now, I'm just going to put it out there in case there are those who read the blog, and don't know this.  Maybe your prayer will be THE ONE to help me get through this.

I have a strong desire to learn the Bible.  And I haven't done it.

I don't know what's wrong with my mind set. I want to live a Godly life, but I can't even read his Word? What's the matter with me?

I get in this mind set that I am too stupid to understand the Bible. This is because of my many, many, many failed attempts, I'm sure.  I don't know what is the "right" way to learn it!  I've tried the, "Pick a book, any book," method, and I end up completely lost. I ALWAYS pray when I pick up my Bible, even if I'm just moving it from the buffet to the table!  I beg God to guide me. But I always end up lost.  And frustrated. Usually in tears.

I miss my small group at church. That accountability was GOOD for me, even when one member continuously makes fun of me because of my stupidity when it comes to the Bible. (luckily he doesn't come to many of the meetings) We haven't had small group in months. I miss it.  I'm not comfortable enough to just waltz into a study with people I don't know. My next door neighbor is that comfortable. And it astounds me.  I want to be like Sarah!

I've tried reading the guide books, but they don't work for me. I get lost in THOSE books, and forget to read the Bible. I've tried journaling, but almost all of my entries are, "I have no clue what this mean." I've tried defining what I want to do in my study, but then I don't find what I'm supposed to find. I hesitate to spend money on a tried and true study, because what if it's a waste? What if I learn nothing?

I feel guilty. I finally have the chance to go on a mission trip. Something I've ALWAYS wanted to do. I feel like I should read the Bible to prepare me for that. But I can't.

For two straight mornings, I have held my Bible in my hands, sitting on the couch in my front room, begging God to give me insight. It just hasn't happened. I am a failure. Of course, I've known that all my life, but this time, it's really affecting me.