I never considered myself an egomaniac, but perhaps I am.  I'll just put it out there. I am JEALOUS when I read my subscribed blogs everyday, and I see comments. Then I come to my blogs (and there are many), and nada. No comments. Zilch. Zippo.

I will be honest...it hurts. I go back to junior high, when I didn't make the newspaper staff, and I think, "I'm not good. Nobody likes my writing. Maybe I should quit." Because that's what I did before. I quit. I didn't write for many, many years.

Then I think, why, really, does it matter if anybody reads what I write? Who am I really doing this for? What is my goal here?  Why does it matter?

Then, Nattie's funeral. When I saw that so many people read and knew about her blog, but not all of them responded, it opened my eyes. She made a difference. She may not have known what a difference she made. What she wrote touched many people!

Now, I am not comparing myself to Nattie; please don't think that. She was one of a kind. She had the unique gift of touching people and being so real and honests. I'm a nervous ninny. I can't open myself like she did. She was really such a good hearted person! She was Somebody Special, with capital S's. And she taught me so much. In her ability to be so honest, she taught me thatI need to step out on faith and Just Do It.  When I do, to quote Nattie, "It will bless my socks off."

So, I'm going to try to refocus. Don't write to the masses (because, in my case, there just aren't masses!). Instead, I need to focus on leaving a trail for my children and grandchildren to know who I am. Hopefully they will understand better who they are, because of the influences I had on their lives. Perhaps they will learn about their history. Maybe they will know me better.